Ben Affleck confirmed to ruin “Man of Steel” sequel


Warner Brothers confirmed this evening that Ben Affleck has been picked up to utterly destroy any hope of a decent Superman sequel. “We’re excited to have Ben on board,” said Man of Steel director Zack Snyder. “When we first considered doing a Batman-Superman crossover film, the first thing we wondered is how we could maintain our long tradition of royally screwing up.”

The studio’s mixed results with DC Comics superheros include several horrible Batman movies in the late 80s and early 90s, as well as an unbelievably boring journey to Metropolis in Superman Returns. Warner Brothers CEO Barry Meyer expressed his dismay at the resounding success of Christian Bale’s performance as the Caped Crusader and said that he hoped future partnerships with DC Comics would result in a barrage of poor reviews. Unfortunately, Man of Steel was well-recieved by audiences, who enjoyed Henry Cavill’s portrayal of Superman.

“We really needed to find a way to make this bad,” Meyer said in an interview following the announcement. “We considered all of our options and we decided that we would keep with our tradition of choosing the wrong person to play Batman. After our blunders with the Dark Knight series, we realized that we had inadvertantly created characters that people liked. This is our chance to redeem ourselves by utterly destroying that trust. We really hope it will go over well.”

Affleck is known for his less-than-stellar title role in the 2003 film Daredevil based on the superhero created by DC rival Marvel Comics. That performance, says Snyder, was one of the primary reasons Warner Brothers knew they could trust him to bomb completely: “He just doesn’t do superheroes very well. We have low expectations for him in this role, and we couldn’t be more thrilled.”